Forgive me...

Forgive me for not keeping up to date on my blog. I have neglected all my followers and I am absolutely sorry. There has been a lot going one in my life lately, but that is no excuse.

UPDATE:
 I have moved out into the country and now help out on a dairy farm. Yes, I am still at WVIHOP, but only part time right now. I am excited for this new venture. I am learning new things and through all of this, I believe that God is really teaching me. I have learned many valuable lessons.

Lessons:

1. I am not getting paid for either of my jobs right now. I have $3 to my name, and this is what I have been living on for weeks now. I get frustrated being 'poor', but that is one valuable lesson I have learned. I use to make money my god and believed that I had to have it, and a lot of it. In this time with no money, I have taken from it that I need to trust God to provide all my needs. Money is a root to evil. And it will all be stripped away until I can learn that God and my relationship is more important. When I was making a paycheck working, I spent all of it within just a couple days. There was no savings, and I was barely making payments on my bills. I believe that I still have a lot to learn.

I know many of you are thinking that this is absurd, but I am telling you, I have learned a lot. I value a penny, whereas before, I would throw them away. I believe that through all of this, I will have a better understanding of how to steward what God gives me, instead of taking it for granted and wasting it away. I know I am not explaining this all like I would like to, so you are more than welcome to talk to me about it and I will explain it much better! :)

2. Allow others to bless me and not be prideful. I use to have an issue if someone wanted to give me something. Now, I humbly accept it. I am a big giver. If I had millions of dollars, I would give most of it away to those who needed it. I want to be able to help others. When they have an issue with a car or house, I want to have the money to help them repair it or give them a new one that they won't have an issue with. But for me, if you wanted to give me anything, I use to be like no it is ok. I don't like to take things from other people. This is another big valuable lesson.

3. Trusting God. Not just for finances, but for everything. I have grown a deeper relationship with God and I am growing into the person he wants me to be. I can say I have come a long way this year. I was an emotinal wreck for months, begging and pleading God for a reason why He would bring me this far only for me to go through so much. Man, it has been a ride, but I am growing and understanding more and more of what He wants to teach me. He is preparing me for something great. Everything is coming together and only time will tell what He has in store for me.

4. I have been desiring a husband. More like longing for a husband. Trying to search him out and find him. More than searching out and finding more of my God. I have definitely learned that God is in control of even that area. Instead of me searching for a husband and seeking him, I need to let him chase me. The man that God is preparing for me will want to be with me because of my relationship with God. He will find me in the lap of my savior. Right where I belong. Not out searching and wasting time on useless men that have no desire to be in the presence of God. Again, I am probably not explaining all of this as well as I would like. I would love to chat with you and explain more if you would like. :)

Well, there is so much more I could discuss, but I am running out of time. If you would like to sit down and talk with me and see what the Lord is doing in and through me, I would be more than happy to do so.

Blabber or Cohesiveness...You decide

First, I must apologize for not writing as often as I have promised. Secondly, I am glad to have the opportunity to just write freely whatever is on my heart. And third, I thank all of you who read this for taking the time to do so. You all give me the encouragement I need to continue to blog.

If I were to write what is on my heart right now, I would probably have to write about how everything is so blurry around me. I have no clue why I am here. Why did I quit my job and move further away from my family? What is my purpose for being where I am at? But the answer to these are simple: God has brought me here for a reason. He has a purpose for me and I just have to follow His lead. So far, I am doing just that. I am probably taking the adjustment period a little further than expected, but I am getting there. I know that everything will work out the way He wants them to work out. Patience. This is a huge test because I lack patience. How amazing the feeling of following God's will and learning to be patient in the process. What a great test. I am so thankful for the way my Father teaches me things.

With all of that said, I want to take a moment and just write. Whether is it is just blabber or if it makes complete sense, I just want to write. (I have many story ideas on my heart, and I thought I may give you a glimpse. Let me know if you are sucked in and think you would want to hear more :) ) So, here it is....

Story line:

 For many years, Pastor Paul Daniels has beenforeseeing a young girl who will lead our nation back to the foundation it wasfounded upon, God. Todd and Courtney are the parents of Kylie Parker. She hasvisions of the future. Her father is in disbelief, but her mother believes heras she herself has the visions, well had them. They have lain dormant. Todd isfurious and fears that if word were to get out, he will lose his seat in theWhite House. He is about to send his daughter to the state hospital, butCourtney intervenes and recommends the Blevins School of the Arts, a specialschool who deals mostly with the ‘gifted’ children others would deem as crazy.

Kylie goeswillingly, but fearfully. Once there, she meets Richard Blevins, the son of thefounder Harry Blevins, and the headmaster of the Blevins school. She also meetsseveral students, including Brittney, Hailey, and Patrick. These four eventuallyjoin forces to stop Talman and his men. Talman Black, aka Satan, is determinedto destroy the Blevins school and all those who reside in it. His goals areclear, destroy all man kind, take over the world, and let evil reside in it. Helures in Dimitrius Ortega, who then recruits many men and women to create anarmy. Included in this army is Lucas Strong, who also has been gifted, butbrainwashed by Talman to do his dirty work.

The forces are against theBlevins school, Talman is creating an army, and there seems to be no hope forman kind. Will Kylie and her friends be strong enough to fight the evil powers,or will they all be destroyed with the rest of the world? Will Satan rule theearth, or will the powers of God stop him?

The Time is NOW!

There are so many evil things going on in this world. Satan is running rampant through our lands and destroying everything good about us. We are struggling to make ends meet and struggling to just survive. We try to blame everyone else for our issues, but the root starts deep down in our hearts. If we do not surrender our everything over to God, there is emptiness, and those dark places are where Satan plants his seeds. He starts filling them with lies and hatred and immoral acts and many other things that make us the dark beings we are. We are so blind to what is really going on around us. We look at things with blind eyes, and turn our heads when things are going on we know are not right. Why do we become so oblivious to the things of this world? Have we let Satan's seeds grow like bitter weeds in our hearts? We need to take action now before it is too late.

I have looked on the outside of things for so long, I have begun to think that the outer shell is what is produced on the inside as well. For example, I would look at an event and think it was super and fun and exciting, but when you dissect what is really going on, you find that there is evil all around it. If we really look, we will see that there is darkness hidden in the places that use to bring us such joy, happiness, and entertainment. But you can also look at it in another way, a more positive aspect of the same idea. I can look at person on the outside and think that they are rough and tough, when in all actuality, they are the sweetest person I have ever met.That said, don't judge until you know the person or know the facts surrounding the events.

I say all of this as a preface to my ultimate concern. Many years ago, our nation fought a war to end slavery. Yet today, there is still slavery in our nation. Today we deal with sex slavery. Women, men, and children are forced every day to perform in sexual acts as a gratification to sick individuals. There are people who coerce children as young as 8 yrs old to 'live a better, richer life' if only they would do what they ask. Once they are in, they are stuck. They are also lying to people from other countries telling them they can provide a better life, pay for their way to get here, and then trap them. I find that this war is much more severe than any of the other previous wars we have fought.

These men, and sometimes women, use events such as the Super Bowl to increase their business. They bring their 'slaves' into these cities, and force them to perform countless acts every day. These events are predominately male based, so it becomes a great opportunity to find some horny little sick man to buy into this evil act. You can read more about human trafficking here. You can also do a google search to read up on the information.

We need to take a stand and do something! Many people have no clue that this is going on. Please be aware, read multiple articles, talk to local actions groups, and make yourself aware of what is taking place in our country. I am sure I have missed out on key elements of this issue, that is why I urge you to read up on the information provided online and in your local areas. And definitely be praying about the issue!

If you have any other questions, or comments, please feel free to email me or message me on Facebook.

Lighthouse to the World

I was sitting here at WVIHOP (Wabash Valley International House of Prayer) during a Sunday morning service and to tell you the truth, I can't really remember what was talked about. I do know that Marvin Adams was speaking at the time, and something he said triggered a vision. (I can't tell you exactly what he said that triggered it because when I went into the vision realm, I completely blocked everything else out and my mind was focused on receiving what God was showing me and I have a horrible memory!)

I began to see the city I am living in, Terre Haute, IN, and it was completely surrounded by darkness. The entire world was dark and scary, except Terre Haute. It was beaming a light so bright, you would have been blinded at a glance. It was like a lighthouse beaming from dark earth into the sky above. It made me realize that something big is about to happen in Terre Haute, and I am so glad I am going to be a part of it! There is something amazing going on here, and God is using WVIHOP to start a revival!

We are about to be so in tune with God, that those around us will see the beaming light and wanna search the origin. People will flock to the city and be transformed! They will find comfort and refuge in this city. There will be an outpouring of the spirit, and those who come searching for it, will find it and then will take it back home and spread the good news. They will journey from far distances just to get a taste of what is happening here. The world will slowly, at first, gain light, but it will quickly pick up speed and spread throughout. God will prevail in this city, this state, this country, and the world! We need to prepare our hearts and be ready for what is about to come!

ARE YOU READY FOR A REVIVAL???????

I'm trying...

I am really trying to make sure I post something every day, but this week has been rough and it is going to get extremely busy. I have been sick most of the week and we have a seminar the rest of the week. So, PRAY FOR ME! :) I will post when I have time!

One thing I do want to say is that I was sitting at WVIHOP today, and I was praying and asking God why He brought me here. He immediately answered with "I am about to open a huge door for you that you are going to not wanna miss!" I am so glad I am following God's will for me! I can't wait to see what happens and what door He opens. Keep coming back! I will keep you updated! :)

As for now, I will leave you with this....

Isaiah 53

 1 Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?
 2-6The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
   a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
   nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
   a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
   We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
   our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
   that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
   that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
   Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
   We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
   on him, on him.

 7-9He was beaten, he was tortured,
   but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
   and like a sheep being sheared,
   he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
   and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
   beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
   threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
   or said one word that wasn't true.

 10Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
   to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin
   so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
   And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

 11-12Out of that terrible travail of soul,
   he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
   will make many "righteous ones,"
   as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
   the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
   because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
   he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

L.O.V.E.

True love only comes from the Father. We can only experience this deep and intimate love if we are willing to put our selfish pride aside and surrender all of our hearts to the one who created us. And let me remind you, you are unique and beautiful. God created you the way you are for a purpose. You are beautiful despite what anyone else may think. I use to think I was ugly and fat and unwanted. But you know, those are all lies from the devil. I am beautiful just the way I am. God created me for a special purpose and if others look at me and judge me by my looks, then they are missing out on something pretty amazing.

So please remember, you are beautiful and created for a purpose. Seek out God and His will for your life. You will notice a change in your daily life if you do. The blessings will come pouring into your life. Don't let others decide your future for you. God has a plan and it is much better :)

I wanna leave you with a passage that reminds us what love means:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-10, 13 MSG)

Just a thought...

I haven't had much time to get on and write a blog today, but I wanted to at least write something.

I want to start a discussion. Will you be willing to comment and give me your feedback? Here it is:

What has God done in your life lately? I have talked a lot about what He has done in my life, I'd like to hear your story :)

When You Walk by Faith

It is amazing what happens to you when you walk by faith. So many times we want to just sit back and take the easy road in life. When we feel safe and secure in one spot, we don't want to go anywhere else, even when God is calling us to take that step of faith and go where He leads. I just went through this very thing. I had been praying and praying about where God wanted me, and He showed me, clear as day, and I was afraid to go. I was afraid of many things: finances, housing, friends, etc. I did not trust God. I asked for His direction, and when He gave it to me, I froze! I let Satan plant seeds of doubt in my head and they just grew and grew. The weeds began to fill every inch of my life. I was smothering to death, not physical death, but spiritual death.

I kept saying "I will go at this time, God, I promise." And when that day would come, I would pretend I wasn't ready, when all it was, was fear holding me back. And then I would say "This time, I promise." And yet, the day would arrive and I would say I am not ready. Excuses made, Satan again won a battle.

You are probably asking yourself right now "How is this a lesson in stepping out in faith if you kept running away from God's will?" Well, let's get to that part and I will tell you the most amazing part!

I think I have mentioned this in a previous post, but I was praying and praying and REALLY praying about what God wanted me to do. I was struggling big time in my spiritual walk and knew something had to change. I FINALLY gave it to God and He definitely opened up a door. And guess what, I was not afraid to walk through it this time. :)

So here is the amazing part and why I wanted to write this specific post: While I was running away from God's will in my life, I was struggling in so many areas in my life. One in particular area was my finances. I was getting a paycheck every week, yet I was in a miserable position. I was down to pennies in my checking account every week. I was depressed and in a place I did not want to be. I never thought I could ever be happy again. Then, guess what? I finally surrendered to God's will and something amazing happened! I have more money now in my account than I have had in a long time and I have been blessed with even more than expected. And I am not working! I am not in the place I was before. I will admit, I have a long way to go to be where I need to be financially, but God is a God of miracles and I know that He will provide every penny I need to be set free from that bondage. I have surrendered that area, a long with all other areas of my life, over to God and His will for my life. I am HAPPY and CONTENT to be where I am right now. I am not going to worry about anything again. It is so amazing what will happen in your life when you surrender and walk by faith. Are you ready to walk by faith and do what God has called you to do? You'll be amazed at what happens when you do!

Tidal Waves

I had this dream the other night about a huge tidal wave. At first, I was like what the heck? What does this have to do with anything and where did this come from? Then I realized that it came in perfect timing. I love how God uses dreams to help us understand what is going on in our lives :)

Ok, so here is what I dreamed.

I was playing on a beach with some of my friends. We were enjoying the view of the waves and noticed a really huge one and we were like,
       "Dudes! Look at that awesome wave! It's gonna be a big one."
       And then you hear "Wait, it's no ordinary wave. That's turning into a massive tidal wave. Get off the beach! It will kill you!"
       I was like "Ok, time to get off the beach."
      However, one of my friends said, "No, you and that dude need to go out in the water and let the tidal wave wash over you. It will not hurt you."
 I was a little perplexed because how is this huge tidal wave going to kill everyone else and not even put a scratch on me and this other dude? Then it hit me. I knew exactly why I had to let the wave hit me. Tidal waves are suppose to represent our feelings and emotions when we dream about them. And when we let them wash over us, I feel it is because our emotions are overwhelming us and it can destroy others if it were to reach them in this massive sense. We need to stand up and face our emotions and feelings and learn to deal with them so that they do not destroy anyone. And why was there another dude standing with me? I feel that he represents Jesus. He was standing there with me, holding me up and protecting me as I dealt with these emotions.

What does this all mean? It was only a dream, right? Well, let me tell you what it means. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings since I moved. I have felt fear, anxiety, doubt, worry, and the list goes on. I have even questioned if I did the right thing. I left this place of comfort and security to go to a place where I knew very few people and have no idea how I am going to survive since I have no job and there is only a small savings. I also left some amazing people behind who have been such an inspiration in my life and I left my girls who mean the world to me. Then it hits me. All those people (ok, almost all) who I was so close to have left NC and those girls who have meant the world to me? Most of them are gone, too. So why was I holding onto them as an excuse? That's just it, it was an excuse, a lie from Satan, as to why I shouldn't have left. He finds little ways to get into our heads and destroy us and destroy God's will for us.

When this tidal wave of emotions hit me, I had Jesus standing beside me reminding me that I am in our Father's will. That He has laid out a path for me and I was on it. He will protect me and guide me. He will be my provider, my healer, my everything. I need to not worry, fear, or doubt that my decision was in any way a wrong decision. I need to always remember that as long as I trust Him, I will always be safe.

I have no need to fear about my finances because He will provide (Philippians 4:19). I do not need to worry about my future because He has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). I have no need to doubt that my decision was a wrong decision because God knows what is best for me (Proverbs 3:5-6).

So I leave you with this: Are you ready to work through your emotions and feelings while Jesus stands beside you? Or are you going to allow them to destroy you and those closest to you? Ask Jesus to help you be strong and courageous. I am so glad that I did.

What a day!

Wow! Things have already been rough today. I talked yesterday about trusting God for my prince, yet today I worried about it, again. It is very hard to not wonder. I know God is writing my love story right now, and I totally trust Him, but man sometimes Satan finds a way to weed his way into your mind and make you think you're just not worthy enough. He is a sneaky little punk.

Soooo, I am winning this war! I am raising my weapons in the air and punching that jerk in the face! He cannot ruin my happiness. All praise belongs to my Father who is my strength and portion.

I am happy and content. Nothing can distract me from following God's plan for my life. As much as Satan tries, I am a warrior and I am not afraid to go to battle. I know I will win because I have God on my side.

I know that if I continue to just trust God, I will be blessed with an amazing man. He will be everything I've ever dreamed of, and possibly more! I am excited to see who it is, but I know that I have a lot to work on first! When my life is where God wants it, I know things will just start falling into place :) I am excited to fall in love with Jesus more and more each day :)

CBISSA

"Hi...My name is Tonya, and I am single. I have been single for 33 years and not too happy with it."
The CBISSA (Can't Believe I'm Still Single Anonymous) Group all reply in unison, "Hi Tonya!"

Haha... We can all take a moment and laugh at my brilliance. However, this is how I felt for so long. Like I was going to remain single for the rest of my life! Not that I chose to be single, but none of the right guys ever seemed interested in me. It felt hopeless! I felt like such a LOSER! I began to think there was something wrong with me. Do I have a disease I don't know about? Wait, is there broccoli in my teeth? Oh man, it's because I forgot the deodarant today, isn't it? Lol, whatever the reason may be, I could never really see past the 'Whoa is me!?' mentality. I always felt sorry for myself and thought that I was not good enough to find a good guy. Boy, was I wrong!

Ok, first off, I am still single. I wanted to clarify that before you think that this is going to be some sappy love story. We will save that for later... :) I was wrong because God has someone perfect for me, I just have to wait for the right moment to be introduced to him.

I have been reading the book 'Lady in Waiting' by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones for the last week. In this book it basically talks about how God wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but it will be His timing. It also talks about how we need to have a realationship with Jesus first before He will bring our Prince to us. If we can't build the Jesus relationship, our earthly relationship is most likely going to suffer. They also talk about how if Jesus wants us married, He will orchestrate the encounter. We need to stop being worried whether or not Bob in accounting or Larry in produce thinks we are hot. And we definitely need to stop planning our weddings to Bubba. When we have the relationship with Jesus that He so desires, He will bring our Prince to us. It is going to be so unexpected, we may wish we had worn our depends that day!

Needless to say, I have been challenged to give it to God, and not worry about it. I need to stop wondering if that really cute football player over there may be the one. When I am ready, God will bring the right man along for me and I should instantly know! He will pursue me! I should not have to pursue him. I'll admit, I may think that football player is cute, but I am not going to worry whether or not he is going to be mine. If he is, well, THANK YOU LORD! :) lol

Man, I hope that helps some of you have some sort of peace. Just be reassured that God does have a plan for each and every one of us. He has written our story and it is up to us to allow Him to play it out. Are you willing to surrender it over to Him? I sure am! I am ready to see what He has planned for me!

Well, I must say, tata for now my beautiful followers! And be blessed :)

The first step...

So many things have been going on in my life lately. I worked at a job that I was satisfied with, but my spiritual life was not. I struggled to get up on Sunday mornings and go to church, so I didn't. I struggled to just drag myself to church any other time. I was dying spiritually. I can't say that there was any one reason as to why I felt dead on the inside. I just did not feel Jesus moving. I didn't let Jesus move in me. I knew I had to do something, and quick, or I would be completely dead. And honestly, there were several times that I was ready to give up on the whole 'God' thing and run away. I was excited at all the fun things I could do if I were not in ministry. Party, date as many men as I wanted, smoke, drink...the list goes on. The thought of these things actually made me happy. That's when I knew it was time for a change!!!

I started really praying about it and seeking God's direction in my life. I knew it was time for me to move on, I was just unclear as to where and when. I felt the push to go in May of 2011, but fear held me back and I did not step out on the water. The push continued and I thought "maybe August," but again, I let fear control me. I was unsatisfied. I was miserable and felt as though dying would be better than what I was feeling! (Not suicidal. Just that feeling that it can't get any worse!)

Things at work got harder. I loved my girls and I loved the people, but there was just something that was not right. I had meeting after meeting and it felt as though I was getting paid just to attend meetings! Well, at one of my meetings I was asked what my plans were for the future. The only answer I could give, and I will still give if your were to ask me today, was to allow God to guide my steps. Wherever and whatever He calls me to do, I will do. Ha! God has a great sense of humor...because that night, I got a text from a friend saying that there was an opportunity for me to get involved with this amazing ministry called IHOP (International House of Prayer) and in that instant, I knew that now was the time to take that giant leap of faith I had been too afraid to take before. I said a quick prayer, just to make sure it was God, and He answered right away! Things went into motion, I started telling people my decision and everything from that point on changed. Everything that was weighing me down, was lifted. I felt at peace and true happiness overwhelmed me.

Confirmation after confirmation came in the days that followed. The more people I told, the more it was confirmed that I was going where God had called me to go. I was afraid, again with the fear, that people would have negative comments about me leaving. That they would say I was making a mistake to leave in the middle of a school year (since I was a teacher), but I got nothing like that. Instead, I got praise and congratulations for taking the step of faith. Not one person had anything negative to say to me (those that were upset about it, just didn't talk to me).

So, here is where I am today. I have moved from one side of Indiana, Richmond, to the other side of Indiana, Terre Haute. I am staying with some friends and enjoying the opportunities that God brings my way. I will be starting the IHOP Introduction Internship in February. I am a little worried about how the bills are going to get paid, but I know that because of my faithful act of stepping out onto the water, God will provide. He will not allow me to suffer, so I am not going to worry about it!

There are so many opportunities out here that I don't even know where to begin! I guess all I can do at this point is put it in God's hands and allow Him to orchestrate the appropriate timeline of my life :) I will get to all of what He has for me, just in His timing.

I wanna leave you with this: Do not be afraid to step out of the boat and walk on water. If God is calling you to go someplace, GO! Do not be afraid. God has your best interest at heart. He does not want to see you suffer. He wants to bless your life and bless it abundantly. Trust Him to take you where you need to be. Take a step of faith!